A response to Guns in Schools Forum in Archbold

So last night I attended a forum in Archbold about guns in schools.  Of course I didn't have the courage to speak up while there, but woke early this morning and started to put my thoughts down in written form. Below are my thoughts:

I believe that every voice spoken and unspoken in the room was important to our conversation. We don’t always like or agree with what we hear, but we need to listen in order to understand.  We also need to have courage that our own voice is valid too.  Unfortunately some of us take awhile to formulate our thoughts before they can be articulated.  If I were to summarize on some of the key areas that were touched on, here would be what I would add to the conversation.

Every school administrator has a responsibility to not only create a safe environment for our students but to create an environment for learning, an environment where students find meaning in life.  It is being responsible to practice drills for any type of potential harm. All places of employment practice what they believe is the best response.  As one teacher named, a lockdown drill is no different than a fire or tornado drill.  The safety that is practiced at school can also be translated to safety within our communities and home.  We would be outraged if there was a fire in a school and chaos ensued within the school because people didn’t know evacuation procedures or administrators couldn’t account for every student within their care. 

Reality is, there are real possibilities for violence to occur, and schools are taking necessary steps by keeping doors locked, by providing A.L.I.C.E. trainings, by having all visitors enter through the main entrance, by wearing visitor badges, by having photos taken of visitors before being allowed to enter the hallways, by participating in drills.  We don’t want to instill fear, but I believe these measures actually help to create a sense of security.  When those within the school feel like there is a plan, if and when it needs to be implemented, there is a sense of what to do that brings confidence when leading others.  Our children grow up hearing how to respond in a fire, but until they recognize the importance, the drills are just something we tolerate.  If there was a simulation for a fire where a hallway was filled with smoke and students needed to evacuate, they would realize quickly the importance of knowing where an exit is, how to feel for warm doors while crawling on the floor, etc.  How we communicate the value and importance for something, create meaning for it, will help to take away the unnecessary fear in something, yet realizing that if someone had been in an actual fire, the simulations would create some real anxiety again.  The trauma of any crisis is real and having a place to process and work through that trauma is extremely important, something that people often forget after a crisis happens.  Who helps to pick up the pieces?

While we know that a fire is a real possibility, we do not have a designated fireman that lives on our campuses.  We create good working relationships with the fire department and we trust that they will respond to our needs as quickly as possible when needed.  Having a positive relationship with the police department helps immensely anytime an administrator needs advice in a situation or if a crisis happens, there is immediate support.  I believe that arming our teachers and staff takes away from what their primary responsibility is at hand, to educate our students.  We already ask our schools to do more and more, to add the extra responsibility of carrying a weapon, seems too much.  Having a resource officer walking the halls can have benefits of perceived safety, but our halls are many and being at the right place and time may be a huge obstacle. 

In reality, our schools may be the safest place for our children.  For some, it is a reprieve from the verbal or physical abuse at home.  For some, it is the only hot meal they get in a day.  For some, it is warmth.  For some, it is a place of connection.  For some, it is a place of accountability.  For some, it is another place of shame.  For some, it is a place of anxiety.  For some, it is a place of growth and stimulation.  For some, it is a foreign language.  For some, it is a place of fear.  There are deeper issues at hand here.  Some students walk the halls where no one calls them by name, they feel invisible.  There are deep wounds and struggles.  Students are trying to make sense of the world outside of the walls at school, let alone try and learn random facts and content within the walls.  There is a disconnect for many of our students.  Rather than helping them make sense of their world, education tends to reinforce that their voice is not valid, that their acting out is not tolerated. Statistics were shared about suicide and issues with access to mental health.  Bullying is a real concern that was raised.  Recently an article in Inside Higher Ed shared that a large concern is how students come to the university with so much anxiety.  That some students leave not because they cannot handle it academically but because they no longer are able to cope.  All of this points to what is not right in our world. 

All humans have a need for connection, from birth to death.  A sense of belonging is deep within us, so much so, that we seek after it in whatever way we can. Sometimes this is nurtured in our families, for others that place of belonging becomes a gang or a team or a group of friends.  To be called by name, by someone who you believe cares about you, is a powerful connection.  With this need for connection also is the importance of worth, value, and respect.  I can’t help but wonder what the voice of any perpetrator would say if somewhere along the line people would have asked them about their pain, their fears, their hopes in life.

School violence is not an easy an issue.  It goes beyond school shootings and arming teachers and staff or having a police officer on site.  Violence is raging silently within some of our students.  There is a scenario where one person is sitting alongside a river when someone calls for help after falling into the river.  Soon another person is caught in the river.  We can respond to the many people who seem to be drowning in the river (some calling out for help and others who we never find until too late) by jumping in and saving them but at some point should we consider walking upstream and discover where and why they are falling in, in the first place.  We might just find that there is a broken bridge, the only bridge that takes them to the other side.  We will never know why there is the need to get to the other side, so much so that they are willing to risk their lives to get there, unless we begin the conversation. 

This conversation about violence is important but this is more than a school issue. It is going to take all of us, parents, grandparents, teachers, counselors, pastors, to begin having conversations with our children and each other, to continue the conversations, and to seek help when needed.  As was stated, every child, every person who dies is too many.  From Sandy Hook, Columbine, VA Tech, Nickel Mines to the countless other shootings and suicides and murders, yes, each child/person was beautiful, filled with much potential. Might we be brave enough to begin asking questions, to engage in the messiness of life, to be a light in the darkness.  Let’s try voices instead of guns.  Voices that empower, speak hope, validate and bring comfort, opening the doors for people to be valued and heard. Maybe then there would be less need to worry about guns being used for harm.

Thursday Thoughts

The term “authentic” has become a familiar buzz word in today’s society.  It is a word that we want to embrace, especially in a time when you wonder if there is any honesty rather than people simply trying to advance their own personal gain or political agenda.  It has become disheartening to see so much distrust of leadership in the corporate world, the government, and even in our own communities, families, and churches. 

There is a keen awareness that all is not right in our world or in our personal lives.  We continue to mask the feelings, imperfections, fears, pain, as well as the passions, and hope that speak truth into our lives and give us courage to become authentic.  But what does authenticity really look like?  Do we even know what is inside of us?  Are there role models that represent an authentic life?  Is authenticity something we just aspire to, but never achieve?

What does it mean for leadership?  Does the definition of authentic change when you lead others?  How do you reconcile when, where, how, and to whom it is okay to be transparent and vulnerable?  Then what happens when we miss the mark, do we become inauthentic?  Does this change our credibility? 

For many, even those we admire most, appear to have it all together yet hide behind walls that have been built to keep out the feelings of inadequacy, fear of failure, longings to belong and have meaning.  We numb the feelings and gradually we drift so far away that we may not recognize the lack of feelings in our lives.  We put off an aroma of perfection, that we have no flaws.  So the point in which we come face to face with this façade often comes at a breaking point.  There becomes a recognition that the old tapes of perfection, performance, and protection of self need to change.   

So how would this change us? What would leadership look like if we lived with courage, compassion, and connections with others?  Might “authentic” be more about living without all the answers, peeling away the layers to discover who we are, naming our imperfections so that we can invite others into our journey towards wholeness, authenticity?

These are my beginning thoughts for more writing this semester.  I am grateful for a moral and ethical leadership class that encourages me to keep seeking and learning beyond just my head.  I am thankful for a professor who was excited about a topic of authenticity.  I continue to feel like I am in the right place, yet still needing to learn that I don't need to have everything figured out when people ask me what I am going to do with this.  Trying to take this one day at a time and trust God is preparing the way for the what's next.

Finally

What a glorious morning.  For the past two weeks it has been a flurry of activity.  Celebrating Emily's 17th birthday, preparing for Christmas, shopping, baking, visiting family, helping with the community Christmas meal, quilting with a friend, basketball practices and games, volunteering at Ten Thousand Villages, helping Em get ready for a New Year's eve party, more baking for the youth hangout at our house, the usual laundry and dishes...all of it good.  I have increasingly been longing for this morning.  Sitting in the recliner, watching the bird activity at the feeders, sipping tea, looking at the stack of papers/books that I need to begin reading for the start of the new semester.  Quiet. 

I wonder if this is how God experiences us - constantly busy and yet longing for us to just sit for awhile in His presence.  In the quiet, gazing at the beauty of His creation, being open to and aware of His love and peace that can penetrate deep within.

This is one of my favorite songs by Kari Jobe.  A great way to start (or end) the day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NI_1YliutzA
The more I seek you, the more I find you
The more I find you, the more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming  

Hickory Nuts

I should be spending my time right now writing a research paper.  But too many thoughts are in my head so I'm needing to focus and thought a blog post might help me do that.  Two events that have happened recently are spurring my thoughts for this morning (maybe this will all come together to benefit my paper as well, I can only hope.)

Last weekend was a gorgeous weekend, 70's and sunny.  Em, Anya, and I spent an hour picking up hickory nuts out of someone's yard.  I brought them home with me, even though I'm not sure what I am going to do with them.  I did take a small bucket of them to the MYF auction and they brought $35 dollars.  So I am sure they are worth something but oh my it would take a long time to crack all of them.  I question if it is worth all of the work for just a small nut inside.

Next, a guest speaker in class this week (actually someone from our church) spoke on his leadership and experiences with leading change.  I describe the feeling in the room after he left as being elevated to another level.  He brought much to consider and challenged us all to be better than when came.  Our time together solidified the need to know ourselves and our core values.  To recognize that our experiences will shape us and change us.  So we embark on a journey that allows time and space to reflect, to open ourselves to refining and change allows us it embrace what it means to be authentic (because we know who we are and whose we are), to be transparent, and to live with integrity.

out shell breaking apart

Back to the hickory nuts. Wikipedia says that hickory wood is very hard, stiff, dense and shock resistant. This large tree when the time is right in the fall drops it's fruit.  The hickory nut, has a hard outer shell that serves to protect it from the outdoor elements. As the nut develops inside and as it is ready to be harvested it drops from the tree and the hard outer shell actually begins to split apart making it easy to gather the inside part of the nut.  This is not the end though. There is still another shell of this smaller nut that needs cracked.  We used a hammer to crack it open, which is a skill in itself to not completely shatter the nut inside.  All of this for a very small nut that is edible (if it is the right variety of hickory tree).


I see a process here, rather than just a nut, just as I see a leader as being more than a person, but a journey.  Both of these things merge together when considering how we lead people.  This journey we are on along with the value in knowing ourselves at our core, is where we reach the substance of our being. It is the place from which we can lead with authenticity and transparency.  When considering what it takes to get to the core, it is a process, just as getting to the nut inside the shell.  There is maturing, the inner growth that needs to happen inside the protection of the hard outer shell until we are ready to be harvested, and then the natural breaking open of the shell happens.  For many of us, we want to function and stay at this point in the process.  There is beauty here, there is safety here as well.  It even appears as if we are whole and have reached our potential.  I won't get into what can happen at this point with the squirrels that hide the nuts away or the nut weevils that lay their eggs in immature nuts in the summer, and leave a hole where the grub chewed it's way out.  (So what appears to be the best stage can have it's downfalls too.)

Getting to the meat of the hickory nut requires a breaking, patience, and most often what emerges is a broken nut.  But if there is not a breaking of the shell, the nourishment will never be received.  The brokenness is required to get to the core.  It is at the core that we really begin to see what the hickory nut is made of, what it looks like, what it tastes like, and then the nourishment can be received.

In all honesty, my journey has all too often stayed at the beauty of the inner shell.  Not exposing what is really on the inside.  I realize that as a leader, this is where we tend to function from.  I believe most times we all want to appear as if we are all put together and try to hide the fact that we are indeed broken, that we have gone through the pain of the breaking open.  We just don't want to be exposed and vulnerable.  So with ourselves and with others, ultimately the time and patience needed to get to the core will be time well spent.  For once we understand people at their core we begin to meet their needs in new ways and the journey ahead may not be as scarey or lonely.

When there is resistance to change might it be that we need to take the time to personally go and pick them up, peeling away the outer layer, understanding time in their environment. Might this allow us to know them more personally?  We realize that this is a process, a journey.  What might it look like if we actually begin to understand people at their core, in their brokenness?

"Winning" and other thoughts

This week in class we played the "Red/Green" game or as I knew it, "Win as much as you can".  The objective of the game is "to get the most points - win as much as you can".  As many know I am one who enjoys games and the satisfaction of playing a game well.  I do not like to lose. When playing games with Kate, who now usually beats me, I don't want to quit until I have won.  So much of my life early on was my identity as an athlete.  This is what I was known for.  I enjoyed people asking me on the way to class how a game went or reading about the games in the newspaper. I remember specifically trying to figure out who I was after college when my identity was no longer as Jan, the athlete.  It was not long until I transferred my skills to coaching and once again found myself on the competitive path as I led teams to become the best they could be.  While we always talk about life lessons learned, the positive aspects of being a part of a team, it was always easier when we would win.  It is hard to bounce back from losses, to not take it personally. 

Back to class.  So as this game played out, people dug in and wanted to be the "winner" even though there was no mention of a prize.  To win the most points was the topic of the conversation as each team tried to strategize ways to get to the top.  Prior to the game we had begun a conversation on conflict.  It was evident throughout the hour that the tension rose as teams would make moves that benefited themselves and created distrust amongst the other teams.  Before certain rounds, each team could send a representative to the center to talk strategy with the other teams. The only way that all teams could win points, was to agree to voting green.  If any team would vote red, the green votes would lose points and the red would gain even more.  A pivotal point for me was the time I represented my team, working to gain agreement with everyone that green was in everyone's best interest.  I gave my word along with all of the other reps.  But once we went back to our teams, the rest of my team wanted to vote red, gain more points and go ahead of the rest.  Wow, how difficult that was for me.  I discovered that winning shifted for me.  Winning no longer meant gaining the most points, but became about integrity and being able to be known as someone how stood by their word.  The best for the whole team was better than the individual teams, after all these were people that I have been developing friendships with for the past eight weeks.  How could my team put this integrity on the line?  It was so strong for me, that I did not give in.  We voted green.  All but one team voted green.  So instead of all winning points, we lost points while one team won and dominated the lead.  I knew my team was disappointed in me.  But honestly, even though it was a game, had I allowed us to vote red I would have felt like I had abandoned who I am at the core.

Thankfully I have another classmate who was willing to verbalize her unsettledness about society's focus on winning and the competitive nature we live in, advocating there to be a better way.  Meg did much better at convincing her team to be consistent at looking at the bigger picture, developing the trust of others.  She and I have had conversations over supper about some of the perspectives on leadership and how it seems that we have different aspirations than what we experience in class.  I am so thankful to have someone to talk to and hopefully we can validate that it is good, maybe even essential, to verbalize when we question the quest to get to the top mentality.  I hope that we have the courage to articulate and model some new perspectives. 

I find myself wondering how I have prepared our girls, my players, my students for this game called life.  Have I instilled more than the quest to get to the top?  When push comes to shove will they be able to have the courage to be people of integrity?  Have I helped to create alternative models of how to communicate, treat people, approach challenges, that does not need to gain the most points?  That the best for ALL is valued more than the best for oneself. 

In a conversation with someone recently he mentioned how our desire to encourage people to give their best effort, to develop and grow, to be creative can also be experienced as not being good enough, not measuring up.  What a challenge before us, learning to lead people from something greater than the bigger is better mentality.  That the beauty comes not in reaching the top, but in the journey itself.  

As a side note: what was crazy, my team in the end actually did win the most points.  What also happened was that really didn't matter anymore - there was so much dissatisfaction for the level of mistrust that had developed.  Maybe there was movement towards a different model of "winning."

Joy

Joy.  A word that has come up a few times today already.  A reminder of a prayer for joy from a dying friend (for Jeff) and Psalm 100 in my devotions today both are spurring me to this blog post.  So as I sit in my hammock chair on the porch, listening to the chatter of the girls in the house and the chickens in the yard, our dog laying at my feet and my books and paper awaiting me on the table, I'm taking a time out to name this joy.

I can't believe my last post was in April!!!  When I think of all that has happened since then, it's too much to write.  I'll just say that it has been a full and wonderful summer.  Kids have started the school year and all seem to be in a good space.  This is truly something to be joyful about.  As I mentioned in my last post I decided this year to try and write down 1000 blessings - my gratitude journal.  This has been a wonderful exercise in looking for the joy in this place and time.  Can't say that I have done it daily, but one day I will look back and see the many ways that God has been working and transforming me.

I mentioned the books and paper awaiting me and I mentioned all of us being in a good space.  Both are tied together for me.  Jeff described to someone that the Jan that he knew was back.  I wonder if he'll always think that is a good thing, but it describes the change.  So 3-4 weeks ago when I met with a friend for breakfast and she was asking about the transition and where I see my niche.  I did my usual, things are fine but I really don't know where I will end up, there hasn't seemed to be many possibilities.  I have my many interests in food, gardens, youth work, but somehow a transition in conversation was made to my work at the university and with students.  What was crazy was I felt myself coming alive again.  I went away from that breakfast with this passion ignited again.  This time I had a strong urge that I wanted to just take a class and see how that feels.  So I checked in at BGSU with the dept chair who I had worked with when I had applied to the Leadership Studies program in the winter (and was told that I needed more focus, try again next year).  And here is the start of what has been a crazy ride.  Within a two week time span after I made the first contact about inquiring to just take one class turned into, would you consider taking two classes if BG gives a tuition waiver for the second one, to you need to be full-time to get the waiver, to we decided to fully accept you into the doctoral program for Leadership Studies.  So what started with a breakfast at Essenhaus has ended up a month later with being a doctoral student and now also working 20 hours on campus with the director of BG Perspective (the general education program).  I describe it as the doors were flung wide open and I'd be crazy to not walk through them.

Back to Joy.  There are many moments when I wonder if I can do this, if I can find my voice again, if this will be as good in a few months as it is now, if I really can focus.  But there is an undeniable joy inside.  A joy every time I walk on campus, a joy that our home seems to be settling into a groove, a joy that there is focus again, a joy that I know I do not walk this path alone - I feel a deep sense of God's leading and tremendous support from my family and others.  I know this path will not be easy to walk, but I choose to walk it one day at a time.  Where it ends up I don't know, whether I actually finish or not, does not matter to me - for now I choose to walk through the doors that have undeniably been opened.

Psalm 100:
Shout with joy to the Lord.  Worship the Lord with gladness.  Come before him, singing with joy.  Acknowledge that the Lord is God!  He made us and we are his.  We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.  Enter his gates with thanksgiving go into his courts with praise.  Give thanks to him and bless his name.  For the Lord is good.  His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation.

Giving thanks to God for this journey - for the past, the present and the future!

Holding it Loosely

So over time there have been a few phrases that prove to become a mantra for my life and also become powerful words for others.  The first phrase was (and continues to be) "sit with it".  So often in life I find myself wanting to fight emotions connected with grief or questioning why things happen and have needed to learn how to "sit with" the emotions or questions and allow myself to feel.  I imagine myself sitting at the feet of Jesus, laying down whatever is happening there and trying to look into Jesus' eyes.  It doesn't take away the pain but it allows me to see Jesus with me in that pain, giving space to cry, be angry or whatever.  During that sitting with it, I believe those are the moments where healing happens - a little more each time.

Holding it loosely has become an important phrase for me recently.  Back when we were in the discerning stage for moving to Ohio, Jeff used that phrase and it has become invaluable to me now too.  I see it as the ability to look at the possibilities with open hands, allowing God's timing and direction to be revealed.  I find when I want something too much I tend to try and manipulate the process.  My desire to control things or want to know the details often times gets in the way of the work God has at hand.  I think a key for me in this transitional time has been in opening myself up to the work of God, to take on a posture of seeking.  I believe God has been leading, shaping, moving and as I have moved in directions that lead to closed doors, I don't see it as a failure, but as a growing and valuable process to have been through.  Learning to trust each step of the way, peeling away the layers of protection or the walls that I've built.  It is a process.

I'm thinking I'm going to start my way to listing 1,000 blessings/gifts/appreciation in this next year.  This in itself is truly a testimony to the work of God in my life.  To actually want to try and name blessings about this area, time of life...the fog is lifting.  Giving God the praise today for a sunny day, inwardly and outwardly.