This year I turned 50. Here is my attempt to list 50 things I have learned in my 50 years.
1. I feel most alive when I am outdoors - riding bike, harvesting in the garden, picking flowers, camping.
2. Sugar is as addictive as any drug. Unfortunately, I love to bake and I grew up with sweet foods, so giving this up is very difficult. Especially in the summer when the rhubarb screams to be made into custard bars or strawberries into a pie or apples into dumplings.
3. It's always best to plant plenty of perennial flowers so that you can pick them and bring inside to enjoy or share with others.
4. It doesn't take long to not hear the trains at night, even when it's in your backyard.
5. A screened in porch is a must have in a house - nothing is better than sipping hot tea on a cool morning while listening to the morning birds or the evening cicadas and frogs.
6. Getting hooded for a doctoral degree was an exhilarating experience!
7. A cup of tea at Panera with a friend for hours is so good for the soul.
8. Listening to your heart requires one to be quiet.
9. Seems that we are living in a world that does not take time to reflect on what has happened and what we have learned - therefore we stay stuck in how we have always done things.
10. Letting go is hard, but necessary in order to allow the new to emerge (moves, relationships, ideas.)
11. I am becoming like my grandmother and mother, I like to drink hot water.
12. Keen sandals and exercise pants are the most comfortable clothing items.
13. Even when your young children refuse to eat their sandwich made with homemade bread because it looks different than everyone else's at school, one day they will realize that their sandwich bread is better than the boughten stuff.
14. Having animals for children to raise helps to bring a sense of responsibility and joy - so grateful for all of the baby goats, puppies, calves, kittens for the girls to raise over the years. BTW - big people enjoy the animals too!
15. I am so grateful to have a spouse who wants to care for the earth and places value in raising our own food.
16. Feeling invisible to others cuts to the core of who you are. It's painful when your children feel this way and then to see the effects on their confidence and courage is even more difficult.
17. Life should be more about humble inquiry than certainty. Is this a statement that only privileged people can say?
18. Attachment theory is real - will you be there for me when I need you? In the hard times, we need people to go into the pits with us not stand above and talk down to us telling us it will be okay.
19. Being in the pit with someone is not easy, we so desperately want to get them out and have it be okay again.
20. I'm not sure what love is - I don't think anyone knows. It definitely isn't what is portrayed in TV, movies, books, church...these places seem to equate it with perfection. I know it is not based on $, sex, accomplishments, words, feelings. Maybe it has more to do with "presence," feeling safe emotionally and physically, feeling valued and seen.
21. Imagery and metaphors help my visual mind remember and understand at a deeper level - the difference between a heart, broken in pieces or broken open.
22. My role model is my dad - he is present, he is compassionate and tender, he cares deeply for those whose learning is more difficult, he is willing to change, he is approachable, he has no ego, he is capable.
23. Being a pastor's wife/family does not mean you feel any less anxious about how your kids act in church as does the regular attender. I remember the time when a mom sitting in front of me at church stated that she was praying all morning that her kids wouldn't act up in front of me. She seemed surprised that I said I felt that way every Sunday in church.
24. Each day should start slowly and quietly - for me breathing fresh air on a walk, lying outstretched on the living room floor, letting the water cover me in a warm shower, watching the birds flit away to their next location all help ground me and clear my head for the day.
25. Spring migration of birds is a fascinating time of year and such a reminder of our creative God--there are so many varieties and colors!
26. As my grandmother would say, "many hands make easy work" rings true today. It is so much easier to clean a house when others are helping too.
27. Differences do not need to divide us, rather, they should enhance us.
28. Listening to understand is not easy - we are so quick to formulate how we want to respond. Paying attention to our internal reaction can alert us to our own biases and assumptions and until we can let those go, we cannot fully hear.
29. Constant work -- too much to do -- stifles creativity.
30. Everyone needs a hobby, things that we want to engage so that work or social media doesn't suck up all our time.
31. Bike whenever you can - the slower pace helps us notice what is around us.
32. My favorite t-shirt says: Human Kind - Be Both.
33. Liminal space (the space of waiting) can be so hard, yet, in that space, a lot of necessary internal work can be done.
34. "Believing in God isn't about if it's right or wrong, real or fake, it's about finding your purpose and believing in something bigger than yourself."
35. Words to my daughter on Cross-cultural: There will be things that disturb you, things that make your heart hurt, but also things that bring you awe, people that inspire you, and you will be changed.
36. Pay attention to your heart. Somewhere I read to pay attention to what breaks your heart - that is where your passion is. If this is hard to identify, I wonder if it's because we aren't engaged beyond our head.
37. Belonging is so powerful and the lack of is so daunting and lonely.
38. Those things that you feel you could never do (not smart enough, strong enough, creative enough, etc) may be the very things that you should lean into and go for it. Getting a doctorate made me feel like an imposter but in the end, I have found that perseverance, passion, focus, and courage are more important than intelligence and knowledge.
39. The further apart people are, the more difficult it is to come together when issues arise and communication is necessary to discern a way forward.
40. Compassion: Have compassion for everyone you meet, even if they don't want it. What seems conceit, bad manners or cynicism is always a sign of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen. You do not know what wars are going on down there where the spirit meets the bone. -- Miller Williams
41. Stories are powerful. We need to take time to sit with people and connect.
42. Remembering each season of life has something important to learn and embrace - the cold and dead of winter does not stay forever and there is important work going on beneath the surface to allow for the beautiful spring, summer, fall.
43. When people behave badly, there needs to be accountability - knowing how and when to speak up and name what is inappropriate is difficult. How do you stop the cycle as there is more going on that is behind the behavior?
44. Going to a place of work where you feel valued and appreciated makes the "work" bearable.
45. Why don't we talk more about mid-life crises' and the dark nights of the soul - these are very lonely places when one feels alone and isolated.
46. "I wonder what dogs would say if they were able to talk. I think they could be super wisdom filled because they observe everything." -Anya. Ollie has been such a wonderful companion to all of us.
47. Life has passed so quickly. From the sleep deprived years with young children to looking forward to having them all home, each stage along the way has had many joys. So proud to be the momma of three beautiful and gifted girls!
48. I still prefer buying books over an ebook. I know you can write in the margins and highlight for ease of reference in both but picking up a book and turning the pages still has value for me. I can't believe I just said this -- from the girl who would much rather go play outside than read as a kid.
49. Birth, death, rebirth. We have much to learn from nature's life cycle. Some of the very things that we hold too tightly too (relationships, opinions) we need to let go to allow something new to emerge.
50. I want to keep learning and growing. I want to find hope and meaning in each day. I want to be brave even when it's scary. I want to create spaces where people can show up and be their best (which does not equal perfection). I want to love deeply even if that means it hurts. I want to develop friendships that challenge my thinking and perspectives.
