Holding it Loosely

So over time there have been a few phrases that prove to become a mantra for my life and also become powerful words for others.  The first phrase was (and continues to be) "sit with it".  So often in life I find myself wanting to fight emotions connected with grief or questioning why things happen and have needed to learn how to "sit with" the emotions or questions and allow myself to feel.  I imagine myself sitting at the feet of Jesus, laying down whatever is happening there and trying to look into Jesus' eyes.  It doesn't take away the pain but it allows me to see Jesus with me in that pain, giving space to cry, be angry or whatever.  During that sitting with it, I believe those are the moments where healing happens - a little more each time.

Holding it loosely has become an important phrase for me recently.  Back when we were in the discerning stage for moving to Ohio, Jeff used that phrase and it has become invaluable to me now too.  I see it as the ability to look at the possibilities with open hands, allowing God's timing and direction to be revealed.  I find when I want something too much I tend to try and manipulate the process.  My desire to control things or want to know the details often times gets in the way of the work God has at hand.  I think a key for me in this transitional time has been in opening myself up to the work of God, to take on a posture of seeking.  I believe God has been leading, shaping, moving and as I have moved in directions that lead to closed doors, I don't see it as a failure, but as a growing and valuable process to have been through.  Learning to trust each step of the way, peeling away the layers of protection or the walls that I've built.  It is a process.

I'm thinking I'm going to start my way to listing 1,000 blessings/gifts/appreciation in this next year.  This in itself is truly a testimony to the work of God in my life.  To actually want to try and name blessings about this area, time of life...the fog is lifting.  Giving God the praise today for a sunny day, inwardly and outwardly.