Firsts

FIRSTS.  While I would say that I'm typically one who doesn't mind change, I"m also one who does not like to be the first do something.  I like to sit back and watch someone else do it first.  I don't know if that's because I'm a visual person and need to see it being done first to gain strategy or if'it's because I'm afraid to fail.  But as I've been thinking about all the firsts that we had this past week I have to say that it's good to have it behind us.  I do know there are more to come, but it seems like the biggest ones are past - first day of school, first day at a new church, first sermon at Zion, first time for buying furniture, first time to have zero emails in my EMU email account, first time to do two puzzles in one week, first time for being sore after playing the Wii by myself (I really didn't think I got much of a workout playing boxing and tennis, but apparently it did something).

I remember saying to some of the 1st year students I worked with at EMU, that you will never have to have another first semester of your freshman year again.  Second semester always feel different because you know where classes are, you know the people living on your hall, you have begun to be involved, you know the flow of a semester and you just seem to be more focused.

In the midst of the emotional energy it took for the girls to start a new school, each day they came home with stories of hope.  They each made connections and it's been fun to hear them talk about different teachers and students, to see that Emily's facebook now has some Pettisville friends on it, to see Kate connecting on the basketball team, to see Anya's confidence to start in a mini basketball clinic with others from school and not be afraid to go play. 

While each of them would say they had a good week, Kate said it well on Friday.  "It's been a good week, but I'm ready to go back home now."  Home being VA where it doesn't take so much energy and to go back to what feels comfortable.  It was also good on Friday night for Emily to have enough courage to verbalize that while it's been fine on the surface, it's been really hard.  That she was just needing to be real, to cry and to have someone listen.

I'm always humbled by what our kids teach us.  I too had a good week but I would also say I'm ready to go home now - but home is now here and what can I do to make this feel more like home for me and the family.  I'm not necessarily saying I want everything to be comfortable but I do want to create a safe haven for our family and others.  A safe haven where we can be real with each other.  Where we don't just say what we think others want to hear.  Where we will be honest, where it's okay to cry, laugh, or whatever is needed at the time. 

I realize that we are at a unique place in being able to start again.  I don't necessarily like the feeling of starting over with getting to know people for the first time, but maybe I can see it more as an opportunity.  I do know how much I appreciate hearing people's stories, for our stories have shaped us.  So rather than thinking of this time as starting again, I see it as a continuation of my life, for our stories go with us wherever we go. 

I do want to be intentional about what this looks like-I want to take time to reflect on what I have learned, pay attention to where I feel God is leading me, to be creative and dream, and to be grateful for each day that I have.  So as Jeff challenged us today in the sermon, to seek God in this new year to see how we can write a meaningful story, one that we will one day tell as we sit before God's throne.  I recognize that our stories are not always filled with joy or have easy answers, but I want to somehow bring glory to God through whatever and wherever the journey takes me.  I do know that I want to make a difference.  That I want to find meaning and a purpose.  Am I willing to sit long enough with God to know how and where to be present using the gifts He has given me,  am I willing to take some risks? 

Enough for me to ponder on for now.