The sun is shining, it's 43 degrees, we just had a great visit with good friends - Chad, Carmen, Ginny & Clint from VA and I'm sitting in the recliner chair soaking in the warmth.  I'm having this tug of war of whether I want to sit and read a book "Authentic Leadership" or go out for a walk.  Both are drawing me - it's refreshing to read good writing on leadership but I also so want to soak in the sun while it's here.  I'm guessing the reason for the tension is because I'm recognizing I need both in my life right now. 

Today I had a precious person in church say to me, "We always ask how the girls are doing, how Jeff is transitioning, but I just want you to know that I'm praying for you too.  I know you gave up a lot to come here."  Of course I want to play it down, but it meant an awful lot for someone to recognize again that I left a very meaningful job and a place I loved.

I remember the year that Anya went to kindergarten and I decided that I would take a year to myself before I started back to work.  In that year I felt that God was preparing me for something, I didn't know what but I could sense that something was on the horizon. 

Typically I want to rush the winter season away and get to spring so that I can get my hands in the dirt again.  But I know in my head that the winter snows and cold is all needed to prepare the soil for another year of harvest.  I just need to allow this head knowledge to settle into my heart and rest knowing that this "winter season" for me now is necessary to prepare me for the future harvest.  While I want to appreciate the time to do what I want, I wonder what the needs are of others and how I can shine Christ's light in other places.

I mentioned to this person at church that I'm wanting to be patient and know that God will be showing me what is next.  It would just be nice to know how I could be preparing for what is next  - what books could I be reading, what places to volunteer for some experience, etc.  It's obvious to me that I always feel like I need to be "doing" and probably right now I just need to "be". 

So for now I'll keep trying new bread recipes, plan for the garden, watch the birds, listen to praise and worship songs, read random books, do lunch with new friends, walk to the post office & school, visit my parents, host friends/family, pray for others...I do also have to say that I am eagerly anticpating the birds migrating through and visiting our feeders and the warm weather to warm up the soil so that I can start to plant and watch the flower gardens emerge. 

So for now maybe I'll go for a walk and then come in make a cup of tea and enjoy my book :)