I suppose it's a bit dangerous to get this girl outside when the sun is shining and there is fertile soil with rows already made and seeds purchased to be planted. Jeff and I have been working to prepare some garden plots at our place in preparation for the veggies, strawberries, asparagus, raspberries and black raspberry plants. I have also this week been at the Wyse garden plot that I am also planting in. It's the biggest garden area I have ever had access to :) While I am thoroughly enjoying it now, I"m sure at some point this summer I will wonder why I felt the need to plant so many pea seeds, etc. Let's just say that one double row wasn't quite enough space for 1# of peas. And I have another 1# of another variety and 5#'s of snow peas (I've planted maybe 1/3 of the bag at this point). I also planted 22# of potatoes today along with some spinach, lettuce, carrots and beets.
I started all of this planting on Tuesday and finished up today. Good thing because it's calling for rain for the next while. I still have some greensand to put on our home garden and do another tilling (hopefully tonight yet). Typically I'd probably be overwhelmed by this amount of garden, but for this year, it's exactly what I need. We have never gotten enough peas to last us long into the winter, so hopefully this year we will be supplied along with other people.
The other thing that the sun, soil and seeds did for me today was spurred some thoughts that I'm sure have been ruminating in my head for awhile and for some reason today God wanted them to re-emerge. We'll see if they take root and grow. They were strong enough that when I got home I started writing them down. This is some of the list that got started.
Garden Thoughts - 3/31/11
1. I'm finding myself eager to learn again - to grow (maybe it's time to really think about more school)
2. I'm needing/wanting to earn some income (maybe an assistantship at a university)
3. I know Jeff really wants to do some farming again - How can I support that? (now and in the future?)
4. I love to be outside and in a garden (ie. having summers off)
5. I do enjoy an academic setting/schedule
6. I am committed to and believe in the Mennonite church & schools
7. I enjoy leadership - developing leaders and seeing them succeed
8. Asking myself - what interests should I hone in on? What am I passionate about? Where do I see myself in the future?
So I've been asking myself what are things that I am interested in? Here is my list so far. For those of you who know me and want to suggest some other things that you know me to have passion/interest/gifts in at some point, feel free to comment.
Student development/leadership, staff/team development, education, 1st year experiences, mentoring/1-1 counseling, Mennonite schools, restorative justice, coaching, gardening/sustainability, retention in schools/jobs, experiential learning, balance & boundaries/personal care, healthy relationships/marriages...
So I don't know if these thoughts are directing me to some research ideas, but I have wondered again now if I should look into going on in schooling...not sure, still testing the waters. If there are any suggestions anyone wants to send my way, I'd love to hear what thoughts have come to your mind. Thanks.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
How Deep The Father's Love for Us
Many times throughout the week a song from church on Sunday or another song would come to mind. The words would bring comfort and an awareness of Christ's presence with me. Many times I would hum a tune while walking or at random times throughout the day. Music expresses so much for me. While I am grateful for the positive, worshipful times through praise songs, I also remember the negative aspects of music in my younger days.
Lately my soul has been dry and no songs have come. So when the tune to this song came to me yesterday, I felt a warmth within. It took until this morning for the words to come. Thanks to the use of the internet I was able to type in a phrase and it brought up the lyrics for me. Then even better I saw this youtube video that brought the words and music together. As I watched the video, tears started to flow. Tears for the song in my heart again and tears for the powerful message.
By Stuart Townend
How Deep The Father's Love for Us
How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss, the Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One, bring many sons to glory
Behold the Man upon a cross, my sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life; I know that it is finished
I will not boast in anything: no gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ; His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart: His wounds have paid my ransom
To also hear this wonderful song go to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjD0lv8hx5o
I keep trusting that as I open myself up to the refining and shaping that God is doing within me, that I will continually be brought to the foot of the cross, allowing myself to soak in the Father's love for me.
Lately my soul has been dry and no songs have come. So when the tune to this song came to me yesterday, I felt a warmth within. It took until this morning for the words to come. Thanks to the use of the internet I was able to type in a phrase and it brought up the lyrics for me. Then even better I saw this youtube video that brought the words and music together. As I watched the video, tears started to flow. Tears for the song in my heart again and tears for the powerful message.
By Stuart Townend
How Deep The Father's Love for Us
How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son, to make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss, the Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One, bring many sons to glory
Behold the Man upon a cross, my sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life; I know that it is finished
I will not boast in anything: no gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ; His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart: His wounds have paid my ransom
To also hear this wonderful song go to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjD0lv8hx5o
I keep trusting that as I open myself up to the refining and shaping that God is doing within me, that I will continually be brought to the foot of the cross, allowing myself to soak in the Father's love for me.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Head Bowed, Hands Open
There has been an unsettledness within me. An inability to focus. A feeling of shame. As I have been reflecting on why I keep going back to this past weekend and feel convicted of some things I said, I remember speaking words that came from a judgemental spirit. Words spoken to persons of faith that I care about. I apologized the next day for what I had said and that I shouldn't have been so judgemental. But for some reason it still sits with me.
As I participated in our Ash Wednesday service, the start of the 40 days of Lent, I was reminded of the importance of opening ourselves to the work of God in our lives, to have the posture of head bowed and hands held open. It's more than just "giving something up for lent" it's also about having an openness to the cleansing work of the Holy Spirit. This is what I desire, but I'm not sure I like what I am feeling in the midst of this.
In my devotions this morning it was titled, "Why can't we all just get along?" It starts with, "It's amazing how people deeply committed to serving Jesus disagree about the most basic issues." My comments from the weekend were about different college choices and found myself making strong statements about church affiliated schools based on some very limited interactions I had with some people or from what I had heard somewhere or because of the faith they are affiliated with. How arrogant of me. I just stereotyped people. I assumed that my experience 20 years ago would still hold true today... I held no illusions that the Mennonite colleges were perfect and really the conversation was much more than college choices, I found myself being judgemental about faith.
Romans 14 talks about how we might see things differently (what is okay to eat, what day is holy) and that we shouldn't condemn each other for what we believe and that we shouldn't become a stumbling block for the other. vs. 13 So don't condemn each other anymore. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not put an obstacle in another Christian's path. vs 17 For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit...so then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.
So while this unsettledness continues inside of me I want to come before the Lord with my head bowed and hands open to be cleansed deep within me. I feel yucky and disappointed in myself but I truly want a new and right spirit within me. I don't like to live in conflict so I quickly jump to what it takes to live in harmony. But I also realize that what needs to take place in the space in the middle is important and is necessary for me to become refined, molded by Christ. In the end I hope to have my arms outstretched and my head help up giving praise to God for the new life within me.
As I participated in our Ash Wednesday service, the start of the 40 days of Lent, I was reminded of the importance of opening ourselves to the work of God in our lives, to have the posture of head bowed and hands held open. It's more than just "giving something up for lent" it's also about having an openness to the cleansing work of the Holy Spirit. This is what I desire, but I'm not sure I like what I am feeling in the midst of this.
In my devotions this morning it was titled, "Why can't we all just get along?" It starts with, "It's amazing how people deeply committed to serving Jesus disagree about the most basic issues." My comments from the weekend were about different college choices and found myself making strong statements about church affiliated schools based on some very limited interactions I had with some people or from what I had heard somewhere or because of the faith they are affiliated with. How arrogant of me. I just stereotyped people. I assumed that my experience 20 years ago would still hold true today... I held no illusions that the Mennonite colleges were perfect and really the conversation was much more than college choices, I found myself being judgemental about faith.
Romans 14 talks about how we might see things differently (what is okay to eat, what day is holy) and that we shouldn't condemn each other for what we believe and that we shouldn't become a stumbling block for the other. vs. 13 So don't condemn each other anymore. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not put an obstacle in another Christian's path. vs 17 For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit...so then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.
So while this unsettledness continues inside of me I want to come before the Lord with my head bowed and hands open to be cleansed deep within me. I feel yucky and disappointed in myself but I truly want a new and right spirit within me. I don't like to live in conflict so I quickly jump to what it takes to live in harmony. But I also realize that what needs to take place in the space in the middle is important and is necessary for me to become refined, molded by Christ. In the end I hope to have my arms outstretched and my head help up giving praise to God for the new life within me.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Good Books
So one benefit of this transition is the chance to read. I would never have said that I enjoyed reading. In fact many of the books the girls read at school, I have never read. I have to wonder what my parents would say about this, but I'm assuming that I just rathered being outside with the animals, playing with cousins/friends, working in the barn, playing sports - who had time to read.
In my adult years I would find some time to pick up a book that my mother-in-law or a friend would recommend Secret Life of Bees or Stones into Schools. I typically found myself interested in leadership books like Good to Great or Five Dysfunctions of a Team. I also am drawn to books on gardening/food like Four Season Harvests or Animal, Vegetable, Miracle or Local Choices. But anymore I'm more brave to pick up a book at the library and give it a try. Two books recently were The Dirty Life (a woman's choice to move on a farm and the challenges with living sustainably) and On the Right Track (from olympic downfall to finding forgiveness and the strength to overcome and succeed). Both books were good in their own way, recognizing with our choices come consequences--some positive, some negative. We can allow the negative to overwhelm us, suck us dry or choose a different lens to look through and appreciate what we have learned through the tough stuff.
Whether the books are fiction or non-fiction I find myself drawn into the story. If you ask Jeff, my moods tend to take on what I am reading or that I ask him random questions that stem from something brought up in a book. I think what has impacted me the most is this desire to have purpose, to make a difference.
So I am inspired again to live with intention. To care about where my food comes from, to decrease waste, to live with integrity, to appreciate life, etc. I don't have to do something big like Greg Mortenson and build schools in Afghanastan in the hardest to reach places so that girls can get an education or even like Marion Jones who now plays in the WNBA and speaks to audiences on "Take a Break", to think before telling a lie, to seek out good advice, to act with integrity and take responsibility.
I am challenged to embrace today and to discover the ways that God wants to use me now. As I have been floundering with this new stage of life I am reminded again that as I seek first the kingdom of God, as I sit at Jesus' feet, I won't need to figure this out on my own. God knows the plans he has for me. I also know that there is a lot of transforming that He wants to do in me. For today I rest in God's loving arms, wanting to be attentive to His voice and leading.
In my adult years I would find some time to pick up a book that my mother-in-law or a friend would recommend Secret Life of Bees or Stones into Schools. I typically found myself interested in leadership books like Good to Great or Five Dysfunctions of a Team. I also am drawn to books on gardening/food like Four Season Harvests or Animal, Vegetable, Miracle or Local Choices. But anymore I'm more brave to pick up a book at the library and give it a try. Two books recently were The Dirty Life (a woman's choice to move on a farm and the challenges with living sustainably) and On the Right Track (from olympic downfall to finding forgiveness and the strength to overcome and succeed). Both books were good in their own way, recognizing with our choices come consequences--some positive, some negative. We can allow the negative to overwhelm us, suck us dry or choose a different lens to look through and appreciate what we have learned through the tough stuff.
Whether the books are fiction or non-fiction I find myself drawn into the story. If you ask Jeff, my moods tend to take on what I am reading or that I ask him random questions that stem from something brought up in a book. I think what has impacted me the most is this desire to have purpose, to make a difference.
So I am inspired again to live with intention. To care about where my food comes from, to decrease waste, to live with integrity, to appreciate life, etc. I don't have to do something big like Greg Mortenson and build schools in Afghanastan in the hardest to reach places so that girls can get an education or even like Marion Jones who now plays in the WNBA and speaks to audiences on "Take a Break", to think before telling a lie, to seek out good advice, to act with integrity and take responsibility.
I am challenged to embrace today and to discover the ways that God wants to use me now. As I have been floundering with this new stage of life I am reminded again that as I seek first the kingdom of God, as I sit at Jesus' feet, I won't need to figure this out on my own. God knows the plans he has for me. I also know that there is a lot of transforming that He wants to do in me. For today I rest in God's loving arms, wanting to be attentive to His voice and leading.
Friday, February 18, 2011
A Taste of Spring
50 degrees and sunshine. What would be better on a day like this than to dig in the soil and ride a bike! I decided this morning when I noticed that most of the snow had melted that I would try and plant some of the bulbs that I had brought with me from VA. I also had decided that I would take a bike ride. I thought both of these things would be doable after the sun had come out and warmed it up to 50. So after mixing up bread and doing some cleaning I decided I would ride my bike to the bulk food store to get a few things. I pumped up the tires, found my helmet and headed out. So whether I was oblivious to the wind or I didn't realize how sheltered we are with the trees, I was in for shock when I turned into the wind. Let's just say that VA has mountains and Ohio has wind. I got a good leg workout as I pedaled into the wind, going 6 mph. I got my items at the store and headed home. I was grateful that I could enjoy the ride home, riding with the wind most of the way. So whether I was stupid or just determined I'm not sure. But it felt good to get out on the road.
After lunch I found my digger and the box of bulbs and went out to see where I could dig. I was pleasantly surprised to find the sandy soil to be dark and easy to plant in. So again whether I am stupid for thinking it's okay to plant at this point or just determined to get some dirt in my fingernails, it doesn't matter, because that was the best therapy I could have for today :)
For now I'm thankful for warmer weather, even though it will go away soon. I will look forward to seeing the bulbs emerge later (hopefully in a month) and to riding my bike again soon. Thanks God for the reprieve from the cold winter.
After lunch I found my digger and the box of bulbs and went out to see where I could dig. I was pleasantly surprised to find the sandy soil to be dark and easy to plant in. So again whether I am stupid for thinking it's okay to plant at this point or just determined to get some dirt in my fingernails, it doesn't matter, because that was the best therapy I could have for today :)
For now I'm thankful for warmer weather, even though it will go away soon. I will look forward to seeing the bulbs emerge later (hopefully in a month) and to riding my bike again soon. Thanks God for the reprieve from the cold winter.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Visit from Friends/Family
My sister, Kandace & Anya enjoying the snow last weekend.
Kandace is a massage therapist :)
Deep thoughts by Chad & Jeff
Ginny & Anya eating icicles
Making naan bread for personal pizzas, while the parents go out to eat.
Kate, Ginny, Anya & Clint
Their wonderful creations
Emily & Carmen contemplating card making
The sun is shining, it's 43 degrees, we just had a great visit with good friends - Chad, Carmen, Ginny & Clint from VA and I'm sitting in the recliner chair soaking in the warmth. I'm having this tug of war of whether I want to sit and read a book "Authentic Leadership" or go out for a walk. Both are drawing me - it's refreshing to read good writing on leadership but I also so want to soak in the sun while it's here. I'm guessing the reason for the tension is because I'm recognizing I need both in my life right now.
Today I had a precious person in church say to me, "We always ask how the girls are doing, how Jeff is transitioning, but I just want you to know that I'm praying for you too. I know you gave up a lot to come here." Of course I want to play it down, but it meant an awful lot for someone to recognize again that I left a very meaningful job and a place I loved.
I remember the year that Anya went to kindergarten and I decided that I would take a year to myself before I started back to work. In that year I felt that God was preparing me for something, I didn't know what but I could sense that something was on the horizon.
Typically I want to rush the winter season away and get to spring so that I can get my hands in the dirt again. But I know in my head that the winter snows and cold is all needed to prepare the soil for another year of harvest. I just need to allow this head knowledge to settle into my heart and rest knowing that this "winter season" for me now is necessary to prepare me for the future harvest. While I want to appreciate the time to do what I want, I wonder what the needs are of others and how I can shine Christ's light in other places.
I mentioned to this person at church that I'm wanting to be patient and know that God will be showing me what is next. It would just be nice to know how I could be preparing for what is next - what books could I be reading, what places to volunteer for some experience, etc. It's obvious to me that I always feel like I need to be "doing" and probably right now I just need to "be".
So for now I'll keep trying new bread recipes, plan for the garden, watch the birds, listen to praise and worship songs, read random books, do lunch with new friends, walk to the post office & school, visit my parents, host friends/family, pray for others...I do also have to say that I am eagerly anticpating the birds migrating through and visiting our feeders and the warm weather to warm up the soil so that I can start to plant and watch the flower gardens emerge.
So for now maybe I'll go for a walk and then come in make a cup of tea and enjoy my book :)
Today I had a precious person in church say to me, "We always ask how the girls are doing, how Jeff is transitioning, but I just want you to know that I'm praying for you too. I know you gave up a lot to come here." Of course I want to play it down, but it meant an awful lot for someone to recognize again that I left a very meaningful job and a place I loved.
I remember the year that Anya went to kindergarten and I decided that I would take a year to myself before I started back to work. In that year I felt that God was preparing me for something, I didn't know what but I could sense that something was on the horizon.
Typically I want to rush the winter season away and get to spring so that I can get my hands in the dirt again. But I know in my head that the winter snows and cold is all needed to prepare the soil for another year of harvest. I just need to allow this head knowledge to settle into my heart and rest knowing that this "winter season" for me now is necessary to prepare me for the future harvest. While I want to appreciate the time to do what I want, I wonder what the needs are of others and how I can shine Christ's light in other places.
I mentioned to this person at church that I'm wanting to be patient and know that God will be showing me what is next. It would just be nice to know how I could be preparing for what is next - what books could I be reading, what places to volunteer for some experience, etc. It's obvious to me that I always feel like I need to be "doing" and probably right now I just need to "be".
So for now I'll keep trying new bread recipes, plan for the garden, watch the birds, listen to praise and worship songs, read random books, do lunch with new friends, walk to the post office & school, visit my parents, host friends/family, pray for others...I do also have to say that I am eagerly anticpating the birds migrating through and visiting our feeders and the warm weather to warm up the soil so that I can start to plant and watch the flower gardens emerge.
So for now maybe I'll go for a walk and then come in make a cup of tea and enjoy my book :)
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